Spiritual Abyss

Got a new CPU at work, great right?  Not quite the “computer” guy (I use the term loosely) did not know how to covert my information over so that I would not have to redo all the options and settings I had set.  So guess what.  Yep that’s right for the last two days I’ve been retyping and saving stuff that I need to do a slightly competent job. Plus I had to redo my whole contact list over as well and I’m still working on that.

  Thanks Colleen for your words of encouragement needed them.  So today is Wednesday and my boss had me running around crazy from the time she got to work until she left @ around 3:30 to the point that I forgot about eating.  And I tell you now I never shirk on eating.  It happens to be one of my favorite pastimes.

 New Year’s Eve was great.  We had a last service of the year instead of the usual watch night service.  It was nice.  It was just a Praise and Worship, Testimony Service.  It was just great being able to look back over all of the stuff that has happened over the last year and say that I am still here.

 New Year’s Day started way too early.  I was at my cousin’s (who’s really more like a sister) Mom’s house and we along with my other cousin (he’s like a brother hey what can I say, we three grew up and got in trouble together like siblings) sat and talked the night away.  Really had a time of just taking stock of the mistakes and triumphs of the year and determining that 2007 would be the year for all three of us.  I got home around 3:30 or so and I know me and my bed didn’t meet until around four.  But six o’clock found me being woken up by my mother asking if I wanted to go to breakfast with her, my grandmother and another cousin.  I told you the whole thing about me and food right?  So I got up and we went to the Waffle House.  Ending up eating entirely too much and feeling too good to do anything but sleep.  But of course Mom volunteered me to take her down to my grandmother’s so that they could start getting ready for dinner.  So I took her grabbed a blanket and went to sleep on the couch until the noise of them coming from the store woke me up.  Then I went in the bedroom and sleep some more….

 After being refreshed and smelling the beginnings of a fish fry I finally left my sanctuary of sleep and got washed up to eat.  While eating I got to talk to KS who was taking stock of his 2006 experience.  I think we have reached a deeper level of respect and caring for one another.  Is that corny?  If it is, it’s still true.  I think I finally understand the whole issue of my mistrust of the opposite sex.  The fear of exposing the inner me and having someone not appreciate it.  I feel as if, if the worst does happen and we find that we are no longer friends I will walk away with the knowledge that I gave of myself honestly and that’s what matters.

 Well enough of the sentimentalism; I have a hair appointment so that I can stop scaring little animals and kids....Just joking Grey has been jumpy since my grandmother got her… I think.

So Christmas is over and now the New Year is fast upon us.  I have never been one to do the whole ‘Resolutions’ things but there are a few things that I do feel warrant some editing (if you will) about the way my life is going.  So I guess they are resolutions after all.  I desire the following OUTCOMES as a result of better self-management in 2007:

 Þ    Closer communion with GOD

Þ    Better understanding of myself and why I handle things the way I do

Þ    Stronger ties to my family

Þ    Increased self-awareness

Þ    Ability to be open with others on more that a superficial level

Þ    Trust of my instincts and intuitions

Þ    Time spent enjoying the little things

 Okay back to the holiday weekend.  It was tiring, it was draining, and it was absolutely GREAT!!!  Dinner started off aggravating but it was cool.  I had a great time with the family and got to meet a new friend of my brother’s.  One of the waiters decided he wanted to flirt with me, it was so funny cause he was just so boring about it.  It also was funny because my brother was sitting there looking all big brother-ish (he’s younger, actually) during the whole interchange.  I promise it looked like he grew about two more inches.  Ha, Ha.  Imagine that a 21-year old being overprotective of a 27-year old, it was too cute.

 My birthday started off great.  I had dance practice which as always went smoothly.  Praise team practice hmm.  Then I was done.  The friend I mentioned coming up, will call him KS did in fact come to see me.  It was so sweet he drove about four hours just to come see me.  He was so tired by the time he got there that I ended up being the one to drive us around.  I took him by my grandmother’s so that he could me my mom and then we went out to Ruby Tuesday’s.  Let me tell you, there was a group of teenagers (probably ranging from 16 to 19) that was celebrating someone’s birthday.  And you know how girls get when they see a nice male specimen.  It was all this chatter and then all of a sudden no conversation as the waiter seated us.  It was so funny.  I mean you went from five to six different voices talking over one another to complete silence.  Anyway we got a kick out of it.  But the thing I want to discuss was an incident that happened while we were at dinner.  Now I had just got through telling him how “cute’ this older couple was that was sitting behind him.  A very nicely dressed man and his lady friend; they were obviously on a date.  They were flirting, he was telling her theses little stories or limericks and she was laughing.  He was holding her hand and looking deep into her eyes.  I mean to me it was so romantic.  I mentioned it and KS turned and looked for himself; which started a conversation how that is how love is supposed to be.  That flirting and touching helps the relationship.  Well the lady excused herself to go to the bathroom.  When I look up from my food the man is winking at me.  I told KS and then I immediately felt bad.  So I was like maybe I just imagined it like maybe something was wrong with his eye like twitching or something.  How bout… NO.  He stopped when KS turned around the nstart back and kept winking and then licked his lips at me. And when we were leaving I turned around and he had turned and was looking at me  I couldn’t believe it.  Guess there are older flirts just like the young ones.  *LOL

 But never mind… the night was great. We went back to my grandmothers other house and sat up and talked the whole night almost.  Until the conversation just died away and he dozed off to sleep.  I knew he had to leave early so I let him sleep.  I ended up sleeping for bout thirty minutes to an hour myself then he had to get up to leave.  It was so sweet.  LOL I said that a bunch didn’t I?  Well it was.  Oh and guess what he got me a pocketbook for my birthday.  After my whole heart I tell ya.

 I won’t write again until after so Have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Happy Birthday Tonya!  I love you and hope you have many many more. 

 Tonight we are going out to eat to celebrate my birthday on tomorrow and my cousin Tonya’s today.  Decided to go to Chili’s cause they have call ahead seating and since Mom has invited an army it would take forever for them to seat us if we just walked in. 

 I am so thankful to GOD for blessing me with another year of life.  And boy, can I say a year makes quite a difference.  I have changed jobs, got licensed to preach, then licensed to drive (I know late but its a long story.)  Because of the new job I will soon be able to start getting my certifications for computers.

 You know it’s a little upsetting to have worked so hard through college only to find out later that in order to actually even use your degree you need certification or graduate school.  Still I guess it’s better than not having a degree at all. 

 Moving on…

 I am really ready for Christmas.  I am looking forward to being off from work and spending time with family.  This year has truly been full of accomplishments and changes for me and I am so thankful.  If a year ago someone would have told me that I would be at a place in my life where I was actually content and thankful to GOD just for the way he made me and what has transpired to make me stronger; I definitely would have laughed.  Since the holiday season to me is about being grateful for your blessings and family I just get overwhelmed.  I am truly blessed to be where I am right now in my spiritual walk with Christ, my career, and even socially.

 Leaving work early today cause I have to go pick up some gift cards and a DVD player for my grandmother (she told us not to get here anything, but sometimes it's ok to be hardheaded, don't you agree?)  I also have to go get something done to my nails.  They’re mine but the cuticles and stuff need to be treated or something.  Plus, I hate to get off work and have plans and not have enough time to do what I need to do before I have to be ready for whatever I have going on.  I end up running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  I want to be able to go home and actually take a breather before I have to meet the fam to go out to eat and stuff.  Can’t have too late of a night though… Praise Dancers practice bright early tomorrow followed by Praise team and choir practice.  Yep ya girl is going to be tired by the afternoon.  There is just so much to do and so little time (story of everyone’s life I know.)  But on a good note it looks like I may have the opportunity to see a good “friend” of mine tomorrow as well.  So it will be a good way to wrap up my day.

 OH and by the way.

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME~~eeee!  LOL I know silly right!!

 Be Blessed and I pray everyone has a pleasantly memorable holiday!!!

 And most importantly,

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS!! And yes I know ‘technically’ this is not when he was born that we should celebrate his birth every day but I wanted that on there lol.

Why are you still trying to prove yourself? What's the point of trying to persuade others? Do you know that in this life, you will never please everybody? Haven't you grasped by now that it'll either be too far to the right or too far to the left for many people in your life, that there's never a point where they are totally satisfied with who you are? When will you just make up in your mind that as you live for God, you have no time to deal with persuading people? They'll either believe by your stand and your lifestyle, or they'll spend idol time trying to get you to explain. Why would they spend that idol time getting you to explain? Because the more that they can get you to talk, the more room you give them to dissect and debate. What's the point? The enemy comes for one reason only: to kill, steal, and destroy. He can assume and hope for a reaction to his distraction, but can never count on what you will do nor say. If you journey through life continually trying to prove yourself or convince and persuade others, you're giving idol time to the enemy to distract you from what God desires of you... your complete devotion to Him. Those that you're trying to persuade are not your focus. They are energy zappers and negative balance. What they're really trying to get you to justify is what's unknown to them, so guess what? Your words won't convince them. Only what you show them will penetrate. Today is your day to waste not another minute trying to prove yourself to man. And when you stop, you'll find that they'll back off. Let God arise and your enemies be scattered! You have a work to do! 

Matthew Chapter 21 (23-27) 

And when he was come into the temple, the chief priests and the elders of the people came unto him as he was teaching, and said, By what authority doest thou these things? and who gave thee this authority?

And Jesus answered and said unto them, I also will ask you one thing, which if ye tell me, I in like wise will tell you by what authority I do these things.

Before you answer another person trying to prove or persuade, check to see if they're carnal minded! The carnal will never understand spiritual things so you'd be wasting your time with their distraction.

The baptism of John, whence was it? from heaven, or of men? And they reasoned with themselves, saying, If we shall say, From heaven; he will say unto us, Why did ye not then believe him?

But if we shall say, Of men; we fear the people; for all hold John as a prophet.

The enemy is not as dumb as you think he is. He knows just what he's doing and how far to go! You've got to be just as wise by not allowing him to distract you. Using that wisdom will show you whether or not to entertain it. Haven't we all experienced those that want us to prove ourselves, but dare you not to question them? Idol time... you don't have time for that.

And they answered Jesus, and said, “We cannot tell.” And he said unto them,” Neither tell I you by what authority I do these things.”

Do you know what that sounds like? "Well, I don't have time to breast feed a baby!" First of all, they told him in that one line... we cannot tell... how double minded they are. He knew why they wouldn't answer. He knew that they didn't want to take a stand. Oh my.... yes, yes, yes, yes, yes... that's it God! Many times as Christians, we waste valuable time on those that don't want to take a stand either way! Boo... that's distraction from your purpose! There are too many searching for sanity! There are too many searching for healing! There are too many searching for peace! There are too many searching for liberty!  Why waste your time beating the same bush with those that come to distract you that don't want to take a stand anyway! They're comfortable where they are. They don't really want an answer! They don't really want the truth! They're planted simply as distraction. You're either for me or against me. I don't have time to spend breast feeding a baby!  

Today is your day to not give another minute proving or persuading anything to those that don't want to take a stand either way! You don't have time to breast feed a baby. You have a work to do. If they need proof, let it be in what they see, and not what you've tried to convince them of.